The New JoeBro Movie!!! Yay!!!
Wow. I have lost absolutely all respect for EW. They were hanging on by a thin thread for shittiness to begin with, but this has absolutely sealed the deal that EW is a horrible, sorry excuse for an entertainment magazine.
Also, Lisa "I'm one of the worst critics of all time" Schwarzbaum really needs to be kicked in the face. She gives this horrible turd of a film a B-. B-???!!! Are you kidding me? I think I'd rather gouge my eyes out than have to watch this movie.
Showing posts with label Things that make me angry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things that make me angry. Show all posts
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I'm Just NOT That Into This Movie.
What can I say about He's Just Not That Into You? One word: HORRIBLE. I really don't have much else to say. Sorry, no in depth analysis or critical scene by scene analysis. This movie was so unbelievably crappy that I really don't want to put in the time, nor the effort to verbally destroy this huge piece of shit of a movie. I believe the conversation that the studio execs had while deciding to make this film went a little something like this:
"Hey, I know this movie is crap, but let's just pay a bunch of big movie stars to be in it"
"Yeah, that's a great idea. That'll make people want to pay to see it"
"Yeah, and let's release it on Valentine's Day weekend so that couples HAVE to see this sorry excuse for a film"
"Great idea!"
"I mean even if we have a horrible script, bad directing and a shitty soundtrack, so what? We can just get a bunch of A-listers to join the cast and it will be ALL worth it."
"Yay money!!!!!"
Yeah let me put more emphasis on that last point about the music for this film. So cliché that I wanted to gag myself. Keane's Somewhere Only We Know ENDLESSLY looping during a heartfelt confession scene, I thought I was going to vomit all over the person in front of me. And if you've seen the soundtrack on iTunes, you should take note of the last track as it is sung by none other than Scarlet Johansson. To use one of her lines from the film: "Oh. My. God." voiced like a complete and total moron, as SJo so aptly does in one of the first scenes. If you've never heard SJo sing before, I highly recommend you taking a-listen to this: SJo sings. WOW. She really needs to stick to acting, though she's a pretty overrated in my opinion. And why is Woody Allen so crazy about her?? Maybe we should ask his adopted daughter...I mean wife.
"Hey, I know this movie is crap, but let's just pay a bunch of big movie stars to be in it"
"Yeah, that's a great idea. That'll make people want to pay to see it"
"Yeah, and let's release it on Valentine's Day weekend so that couples HAVE to see this sorry excuse for a film"
"Great idea!"
"I mean even if we have a horrible script, bad directing and a shitty soundtrack, so what? We can just get a bunch of A-listers to join the cast and it will be ALL worth it."
"Yay money!!!!!"
Yeah let me put more emphasis on that last point about the music for this film. So cliché that I wanted to gag myself. Keane's Somewhere Only We Know ENDLESSLY looping during a heartfelt confession scene, I thought I was going to vomit all over the person in front of me. And if you've seen the soundtrack on iTunes, you should take note of the last track as it is sung by none other than Scarlet Johansson. To use one of her lines from the film: "Oh. My. God." voiced like a complete and total moron, as SJo so aptly does in one of the first scenes. If you've never heard SJo sing before, I highly recommend you taking a-listen to this: SJo sings. WOW. She really needs to stick to acting, though she's a pretty overrated in my opinion. And why is Woody Allen so crazy about her?? Maybe we should ask his adopted daughter...I mean wife.If Meryl Streep ever saw this script, I'm sure she would light it on fire or flush it down the toilet. I give He's Just Not That Into You 1 Meryl.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Angelina Jolie's Oscar To Do List
CRY. Cry a lot. Oh and scream and yell some too. And don't forget your straight jacket scene. If your name is Angelina Jolie, this is exactly what you need to do to garner an Oscar nomination. See Exhibit A:
Jolie's Oscar To Do List:
1. Scream a lot ✓
2. Cry a lot ✓
3. Straight jacket ✓
4. Get nominated ✓
"Ok, it's just one film, and she was playing a character in a mental institution," you may say. And I see your point. But point, counter-point with Exhibit B:
Jolie's Oscar To Do List:
1. Scream a lot ✓
2. Cry a lot ✓
3. Straight jacket
4. Get nominated ✓
Alright, so no straight jacket this time. But, I've saved my trump card for last. I give you ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit C AND Exhibit D:
Crying, and lots of it...
JACKPOT!
Jolie's Oscar To Do List:
1. Scream a lot ✓
2. Cry a lot ✓✓✓✓
3. Straight jacket ✓
4. Get nominated ✓
I threw some extra check marks in there for the crying item, as I felt it was appropriate. I hope my demonstration has persuaded you, if not I hope it provided a few laughs.
It's been awhile since I've seen Changeling, so I'm not going to write a review of it since I don't think it'd really be fair or accurate enough. All I will say about the film is that I thought it was good, though not one of Eastwood's best. And as much as I'm bashing on Jolie in this post, it's not really because her performance was bad in the film, but rather that I am making an observation of a pattern I have noticed in her roles/acting style. Because that's what we do here at The Cheap Seats. We make fun of people like Angelina Jolie. And let's not forget Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's not that I hate Maggie or really Angelina for that matter, but I was just making an observation.
Jolie's Oscar To Do List:
1. Scream a lot ✓
2. Cry a lot ✓
3. Straight jacket ✓
4. Get nominated ✓
"Ok, it's just one film, and she was playing a character in a mental institution," you may say. And I see your point. But point, counter-point with Exhibit B:
Jolie's Oscar To Do List:
1. Scream a lot ✓
2. Cry a lot ✓
3. Straight jacket
4. Get nominated ✓
Alright, so no straight jacket this time. But, I've saved my trump card for last. I give you ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit C AND Exhibit D:
Crying, and lots of it...
JACKPOT!
Jolie's Oscar To Do List:
1. Scream a lot ✓
2. Cry a lot ✓✓✓✓
3. Straight jacket ✓
4. Get nominated ✓
I threw some extra check marks in there for the crying item, as I felt it was appropriate. I hope my demonstration has persuaded you, if not I hope it provided a few laughs.
It's been awhile since I've seen Changeling, so I'm not going to write a review of it since I don't think it'd really be fair or accurate enough. All I will say about the film is that I thought it was good, though not one of Eastwood's best. And as much as I'm bashing on Jolie in this post, it's not really because her performance was bad in the film, but rather that I am making an observation of a pattern I have noticed in her roles/acting style. Because that's what we do here at The Cheap Seats. We make fun of people like Angelina Jolie. And let's not forget Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's not that I hate Maggie or really Angelina for that matter, but I was just making an observation.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Why most movie-goers are idiots:
As the Oscars approach, I've been reading many complaints about how the Academy does not take into account a movie's box office performance as much as it should when picking nominees. I'll use the link above to illustrate a point: movies that do well at the box office are not necessarily good movies. In fact, they are often horrible movies, as the top grossing movie
of the past two weeks has been. You may ask, "well Mindy, have you even seen the Mall Cop film?". And I would reply, "I saw the trailer, and it was sufficiently shitty enough for me to get a good enough idea that this movie is a grade A piece of crap." Do you really think I'm about to drop $10 on a film like this?? I rather pay that money to re-watch Slumdog Millionaire, which I only gave 3 Meryls.
I guess who ever green-lighted this awesome idea of a movie was banking on the fact that no other half-decent movie would be debuting during the same. If you are short on ideas about what to do on your Friday night, and tough economic times are making the movies a more popular option, I suggest going down to your local bar and getting drunk on Old Style canned beer, which sure enough would be cheaper than what you'd pay to see this movie.
of the past two weeks has been. You may ask, "well Mindy, have you even seen the Mall Cop film?". And I would reply, "I saw the trailer, and it was sufficiently shitty enough for me to get a good enough idea that this movie is a grade A piece of crap." Do you really think I'm about to drop $10 on a film like this?? I rather pay that money to re-watch Slumdog Millionaire, which I only gave 3 Meryls.I guess who ever green-lighted this awesome idea of a movie was banking on the fact that no other half-decent movie would be debuting during the same. If you are short on ideas about what to do on your Friday night, and tough economic times are making the movies a more popular option, I suggest going down to your local bar and getting drunk on Old Style canned beer, which sure enough would be cheaper than what you'd pay to see this movie.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wait, EW does suck as much as I thought it did
Why are these pieces of garbage so popular??
What the hell?? First, why are these d-bags even on this. Second, why are the rated higher than Meryl Streep, or anyone else for that matter?? I'm just waiting for them to break up with another Disney star, so they can write a song about it. I can't wait to hear that crap playing on the radio (and I wonder why I never listen to the radio??). I hope my sarcasm is coming through loud and clear.
What the hell?? First, why are these d-bags even on this. Second, why are the rated higher than Meryl Streep, or anyone else for that matter?? I'm just waiting for them to break up with another Disney star, so they can write a song about it. I can't wait to hear that crap playing on the radio (and I wonder why I never listen to the radio??). I hope my sarcasm is coming through loud and clear.
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