Liam Neeson's Stock Just Went Up 100 points: Taken Review

The moral of this movie is to never go into a theater with high expectations. After seeing the preview for this action film, I did not expect much. Surprisingly, this worked to the movie's advantage. The movie is an homage to the old school action flicks, like Arnold Schwarzeneggar's Commando, where one guy takes down like an entire effin' army single-handedly. Not only does the movie succeed in being faithful to the old style, it exceeds it. Every part to make a successful homage is there: it's cheesy as hell, laughable at many parts, and the cliché lines from Neeson are quite entertaining. At one part in the film he tells an old friend who now works for the French government: "I'll tear down the Eiffel Tower if I have to." Awesome. You do that Liam, you do that. From Oskar Schindler to rampaging one-man shit show?? Impressive.

The plot is pretty basic. We start out meeting Neeson's character, a recently retired spy or CIA agent guy, who is trying to improve the relationship with his 17 year-old daughter. The daughter now lives with her mother and her super wealthy step-father. Poor Neeson, can only afford a cheap-ass karaoke machine for her birthday, while her step-father gets her a pony. Tear... Anyways, we learn that Neeson is a bad-ass mofo, since he takes down some random guy with a knife trying to hurt a pop star. Hilarious scene. But the movie starts moving when his daughter goes with her slutty friend to Paris for a Eurotrip. Just like the plot from Commando, the daughter gets kidnapped by some bad guys, and dad must come to the rescue. So Neeson goes to Paris on a one-man mission of kicking ass and taking names. I won't say anymore about what happens, except to mention that what follows is an hour long journey that involves guy getting hit by truck, sex slaves, pimping, some Albanians, Arab Sheiks, and shooting an old friend's wife in the arm. What more do I need to say to motivate you to see this movie??? Just check out this little mini-comic that gives you a brief glimpse of the awesomeness you're missing:

If Meryl Streep was about 15 years younger, and a dude, she would totally be all over this film. I give Taken 4 Meryls. I would've gone for 5, except for the fact that there is a happy ending, and we all know I hate happy endings.